Story 9: Shopping with Larry

Shopping at Rich’s with Larry – “Do you have this in a 9?” (1970)

Typical of many gay guys, Larry and I loved to go shopping.

Not so typically, we loved to go shopping for electronics. And Rich’s in downtown Atlanta had a great electronics department, with stereos, radios, records, cassettes and all sorts of gizmos that usually appeal to the straight male.

There was only one problem in shopping the electronics department at Rich’s. To get to its second-floor location, you had to enter from the parking garage somewhere on the first floor. There were many entrances, but every one of them brought you through a women’s clothing section. Rich’s sold men’s and boys’ clothing, but you wouldn’t know it from the entranceways. One entrance opened into the Juniors, another into sportswear, and yet another into, “intimate apparel.” It wasn’t my idea of intimate apparel and Larry didn’t wear underwear anyhow, and neither of us did drag (if you don’t count Larry’s one unfortunate night that he spent in the drunk tank – in a dress.) Yet no matter where we entered the store, we two red-blooded American gay boys had to brave aisle after aisle of women’s wear just to get to the elevator to take us to our second floor destination.

Actually, there was a second problem shopping at Rich’s – an overzealous sales staff. For a store that did so much business, you wouldn’t think that rabid sales clerks would pounce upon each customer entering, but you couldn’t walk more than a few feet before being accosted. A few feet more, and there was another. And another.

“No, thank you, just looking,” didn’t seem appropriate since we weren’t looking, at least not at what was on the racks by the entrances. So we’d usually try to act as if they weren’t there, while trying not to be too rude. We had a destination. We had a mission and nothing could deter us.
But that didn’t stop them. One time I counted four assaults by sales clerks between the entrance and the elevator, a distance of maybe fifty feet. What were these people thinking? We were two young guys in jeans and sweaters or polo shirts and tennis shoes. Did we really look like dress shoppers? Did all the clerks on that floor have gaydar? Did most young men entering Rich’s come to buy women’s clothing?

Thankfully, the aisles leading from the entrances to the hub of elevators were wide and traffic moved along smoothly, so we escaped relatively unscathed. Until one day when Rich’s was having a very big sale.

We parked the car, headed for the nearest entrance, braced ourselves for what was to come and boldly walked in. Sure enough, we were attacked. We moved along. Again, we were attacked. We moved along. The next time we weren’t so lucky. We got caught in an aisle bottleneck, unable to move forward, unable to go back. We were stuck. In the juniors dress department.

Larry appeared calm and lit a cigarette. (This was before the no-smoking days.) He offered me one, although I rarely smoked. He lit his and handed me the pack of matches. I was just about to strike a match when a sales clerk struck.

“May I help you find something?” she cooed to Larry, who was stuck next to a rack of dresses. I pretended to hear nothing and lit a match.

Before lighting the cigarette, I glanced at Larry who, to my horror, was reaching for a one of the dresses.

“Do you have this number in a size nine?” he cooed back to her.

I gasped and the match blew out.

At that moment, thank God, there was an opening in the aisle and I pushed Larry through it. All the way to the elevators. Where we met another crowd. Perhaps they had shopping to do on other floors. Perhaps they were all escaping from overzealous sales clerks. Nonetheless, we were trapped again. And Larry had a captive audience.

“What’s the problem,” he grinned mischievously, “don’t you think I’d look good in that?”
He knew I was ticked, and he was waiting for an angry reaction. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I wanted to pound him right there, but beating up on a short, hare-lipped hairdresser – albeit a cute one – didn’t seem appropriate, at least not in Rich’s. Besides, I had an audience to play to as well.

“Oh come on,” I chided him, in a voice that could be heard down the aisle, “you know that dress wasn’t your color.”

“And besides,” I added for effect, “a nine would be much too large for you.”

The crowd waiting for the elevators appeared to get rather quiet. But I said nothing more. That’ll teach him, I thought.

I was still holding the unlit cigarette and the match pack. I struck a match, and was just about to light up when the elevator doors opened and we were pushed forward by the crowd. Try as I might, I couldn’t get the cigarette lit.

Then, just before the doors closed behind us, with a crowd still outside, Larry saw my predicament and said, “Just suck on it, honey, just suck on it.” Then the doors closed.

That was the last time I went shopping at Rich’s with Larry.